If you’re a teacher, you know how frustrating noncompliance and defiant behavior can be. Does this sound familiar? You give your students a direction and one (or more) say “no,” crumple up the worksheet, or just sit there and do nothing. Maybe one of your students even has a meltdown. Either way, they’re refusing to follow the directions.
What happens next? You panic because you feel like you don’t have control over the situation, so you give them an ultimatum. Something like, “It’s time for math. This is your job. You can do it now or at recess.” But 9 times out of 10, it doesn’t make them follow the direction, it just leads to a power struggle.
So, what do we do when our students say “no?” Keep reading for strategies to manage defiant behavior.
Find the “Why”
Many times, there’s a reason why our students aren’t following our direction, it’s not just because they want to be difficult. Taking a minute to ask what’s going on could give you information that you didn’t have before. Maybe your student doesn’t have the materials they need, isn’t sure how to get started, or is overwhelmed by the work. Maybe they don’t feel well, didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, or are upset about something that happened at home. These are things that you can support your student with so they can be successful.
Try one of these statements:
“What’s going on?”
“I noticed you haven’t gotten started yet, what’s up?”
“Do you need help?”
“How can I help you?”
“What do you need?”
Give Choices
Our students don’t have control over many parts of their day, and sometimes they’re craving that control. Giving students choice over their work or routine in the classroom can satisfy their need for control in a positive way. The best part is, the choices don’t have to be anything big!
They can be small things like:
Do you want to write first or draw first?
Do you want to use crayons or markers?
Do you want to work at my table or your table?
Do you want to sit or stand?
Just remember, when you give your students a choice, you want to make sure that you’re completely okay with whichever option they choose. Don’t fall into the trap of giving them one “right” option (ex. Do you want to do it now or at recess?).
Validate Students’ Feelings
No matter whether we agree with it or not, how our students feel is their truth at that moment. Simply validating how our students feel is a powerful way to tell students that you see them and you care about them. It’s also the first step in trying to move past the situation.
Here are some ways you can validate how your student is feeling:
“I know you’re tired today. Did you not sleep well last night?”
“I know you want to go to recess. What are you going to do when you get outside?”
“You look frustrated. Did something happen?”
Once we validate how our student is feeling, we can work with them to make a plan for how to move forward.
Conclusion & Next Steps for Defiant Behavior
It’s so easy to get frustrated when a student is displaying defiant behavior, but the most important thing is to stay calm. Take a deep breath, walk away for a second, and relax your body language. This will allow you to respond rationally to the situation, and as a bonus, you’ll be modeling for students how to regulate their emotions!
Ready to learn more about managing challenging behavior in the classroom? Click here to learn how to find the “why” behind disruptive behavior!
